Few days ago I found my old email address and lucky me, I still remember its password after few tries. In one of the draft, I saw subject ” My stash”, when I click, I saw blog address with email and password. Tried to find the blog but it is  no longer exist, so I tried login into the blogspot and here I am, feeling a mixture of emotion but mostly embarrass. I couldn’t believe what have I wrote in the past. I posted 65 and have another 8 post in draft.

The back story of my blog, I used to wrote in 2008, when I am 21 years old. That’s when I’m in my third year and most stressful in my study, maybe, I don’t really remember it now. It’s only been 8 years but I seriously couldn’t recalled any of the event happened in my blog’s post. I’m starting the blog to share my obsession of kpop song at that time and the last post is on 2011, few months before I start working.

What I can summarized from my blog’s post, I talked mostly about my friends. Actually it’s more like I’m venting all my frustration towards them. Luckily I wrote all the stuff inside my blog instead of lashing it to them. We have been friends till today, not that close but still, we do keep in touch. I spend couple of hours to read back what I wrote, I wrote about my friend’s boyfriend that I’m not keen of, jealousy among friends, who is close friend who’s not, messy roommate, the line between friendship (the most cheesy one) and the hurts I felt in those years.

Honestly, I have no idea what is the event that leads to all the frustration that I felt/wrote before, but I know one things, whatever I wrote, it is what I have been through before. I used to feel anger, upset, sad towards my friends. Now I feel a bit sad that I don’t wrote the happy moments among all the frustrations in my blog. I believe I have more good experience than a bad one. Can’t turn back the time, but I can change the way I do stuff now, instead of be on the negative side, I’ll try to look it on the positive sides.

I also have my own weakness, I do appreciate the people that I have known throughout all these years starting from childhood friend until now but I really can’t seems to keep in touch. I don’t really fond of the idea of connecting with friends through social media since I’m not active updating every bit of my life. I used to be obsess with it few years ago but nowadays, I really dislike the thought of  updating my wall, for no reason. I just can’t seems to do it. I only close to the friend that I met up in real life, so I have very limited circle of friends. Now and then, I do keep in touch with my friends by saying hi at least once a year, yeah I know it’s not that hard to open your whatsapp and send a text but I don’t know why I can’t do it.

I think maybe because we already have our own life, most of them married, have kids, their conversation topics also more on their kids, marriage life and it kinda make me feel out of loop. Here I am, single and not in relationship, on verge of getting out of job, feel so lacking from their happy life that they show in their social media. I know each of us have our own up and down, but I realized I still the same intimidated, low self confidence 21 years old that I used to be. On the second thought, no, I’m not who I used to be, I am more confidence, more thoughtful, more resourceful, surrounding by people who cares and ready to help me anytime I ask for it, it might not be many of them but I do have them. Suddenly this post have a bit of my old blog’s mood, hahahaha. Let’s change back the mood, this kinda make me feel depressed.

Back to my old blog story, I am very fortunate I have a blog and I wrote my emotional stories in it, at the very least, I know what used to makes me angry, sad and worry. Even thought most of that things no longer make me feel that way. I’ve changed and I believe it is to be a better person and I’ll continue to change and be more remarkable person in future. Can’t wait to read about these in another 8 years.

Sayonara the old me, you gone but you today is the result of your determination to success in life.

Advertisements